Adjustments

The dreams. The wishes. The plans. Have I fulfilled them? Getting married at the age of 26 is a little early, isn't it?

Thinking of it makes me nervous. It makes me think, will it worth all my effort at the end of it?

There are really times when you are almost at it, you have somewhat regretted of wanting someone be with you early as you wont be expecting.

When I asked some of friends who are married, " Here're their common answer, "We are having difficulties in adjusting but we are getting better at it." Being pregnant isn't easy also.Dealing with morning sickness, food cravings, physically and emotionally sensitive. It is actually the same as working with an office where you have no idea what to do at all.

Thanks for internet, we can get all the answer. We can just typed in questions that bother us, then the answer will be there in a minute or two. Isn't that technology too helpful and wonderful for the life of human being? Way back 1990's internet is not that familiar with youngster. It is not that easy to deal with new terminologies in order to understand its importance. I myself have had that phase, I used to asked my teachers to explain slowly the methods so I could follow properly. I am not saying, I am slow-witted, I am only making sure there will be no mistake to encounter when I am going to do the task. Up to now, every time I have new gadgets, I used to spend my time with a technician who has the ability to make me understand every step of using this gadget.

Some times I have to out grow those styles. In reality, Life is full of shit. Yet those shit makes we live our lives to the fullest that we can be. It is like throwing a ball. It always bounce back on the ground. Life is actually like that, but single life to married life is totally different. You both have to do a lot of adjustments-from small things to decision makings.

If before, sleeping in a small bed is very comfortable, now you have to  shift into bigger one. Let details explain both emotions. You have to deal with the changes which is actually every where inside the house-that's what we call married life. You learn to listen and you learn to adjust.

Jobless? What a Life....

There was a time where we don't have any control over the matters. Some times we fell from the dream we ought to achieve. In short we always mincing. We seldom settle things that bothers us every now and then. We tend to ignore things. We tend to avoid the consequences. We tend to leave things hanging instead of looking for the possible solution that will make life easier.

Often, we are coward in facing the truth. Some times we have to us ourselves; why those people stay longer in a certain job where we couldn't afford to be one? Being jobless doesn't mean you are not smart as those people who go to offices every day. Does that mean, when you leave your job, you are already nothing? In the beginning, what makes you  leave that job?

I have been roaming some neighborhood and often observe that most of those I see hanging around the corner doesn't go out every day and go to work.Of course, what I thought was, probably they work at night. Or they work at home. If they got internet connection, they don't have to go out and deal with car smoke everyday. If I were to ask, I prefer to work at home than commuting from home to work yet I don't have the choices than to go out every day.

As I continue to walk from my house to a nearby park, I barely see those people any more. May be, I relocate? Or may be they found better place than this stoney park. As I moved on to the next of the subdivision, I saw them. There they are. They are under a nipa hut. A hidden place for gossipers. Oh, I said, it is far away better than loitering around like a garbage on the street. Too bad, I thought they have had a better job yet they are wasting their time with other people.

I often compare myself from them. "Why these people look happier than I do? They don't seemed busy at all. They don't seem bothered at all. Then, I decided to make a little change of my lifestyle. I left my job which I believe- one of the most stressful I have ever had. I stayed home for at least a week. It was pretty relaxing. I can spend more time with my husband, talk about our future plans specially we would be parents in four months.

A couple of weeks later though, I started feeling edgy and bored. I started having mood swing that I already exceeded the conception stage. I couldn't stay long at home doing nothing.Then I realized, Doing household chores are not conducive to be the normal course of my life. See I can't really stand a day without thinking on how to be good at work. I couldn't stand a minute either to just spend my time longer in bed and read or watch TV or listen to music. I can't be one of those people who enjoy being jobless.

It is a definite truth when they say, You cannot stop someone with a strong urge of determination.

Life, Life,Life

How will you define life? How will you tell that it is complicated? What are the factors that will support  your ideas which will not affect others perception? In my own point of view, Life is what we make it better, more productive and mostly what we aimed to have whether today, in the past and also in the future.

To think of the what we can really do with our life; it is what we always hope for. A hope for better future and better.... better.. better and later for the best. Yet it always go with the challenges which we often ignore or we often consider it as our blocker. We keep on complaining without looking for the solution. We complain without looking back with our previous actions, complaining without taking other option to solve our problems.

It is always funny when we look back with the tears we shed, with the laughter we shared with our love ones and what most satisfying is- when we finally did our best to be who are we now. Somehow we always common desire -it is to be better than who we are before. Life is beautiful isn't it? Lets do the best that we can and enjoy it.

Thank You Sincerly

Thank You Sincerely

Thanks for the start to the lives that we’ve had.

Thanks for the nights that you went without rest.

So many memories, most happy, some sad;

If you weren’t perfect, you still passed the test,

Holding our hands, holding back all the fears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

So many hours that you worked to provide

Multiplied by all the days that we grew,

When we behaved and the times we defied,

Never a doubt we could still count on you,

Making our laughter and drying our tears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

Thanks for the rules that we wished were not there.

Thanks for the wisdom we sometimes denied.

All the attention and all of the care,

All the forgiveness and all of the pride,

Pointing out faults but then calling out cheers.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

For the examples you set every day,

Teaching with actions, those lessons hold tight.

We hardly knew just how much you could say

Simply by doing what you knew was right.

Now that we’re older, the logic appears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

Thank you for love not required to be earned,

Not ever fading as time moves along.

You have to know that the love is returned,

Not always showing, but always so strong.

And you still care as your golden time nears.

Thank you sincerely for all of the years.

Then I found You...

One day I was on my way home from work. It was tiring and hot day. I want to dip myself in a frigid bath. I hurriedly took the Jeep ride from work to my house.

There I notice you. You notice me yet You didn't say any word . I thought it will be a good idea to ignore you but I can't take my eyes off of you.

Reaching out for my phone I pretended to contact someone but I ended asking for your number. You obediently gave it to me. Not knowing how to react on how it went right, I maybe a nut but it 's hot so I didn't think straight.

As I got off from the Jeep. I leap on my excitement. An excitement which almost ruined my plans. I kicked myself out from the heat of the sun and run to the bathroom. Reaching for my towel as I dry myself, I remember to phone you. I feel fresh. Then, I dialed your number. It rang but someone had been holding it-- maybe. Someone answered the phone yet it was woman. I collapsed on my knees and almost knock out on my flower vase.

Without realizing who that woman is, panicked rise up on me. I started making presumptions, probably you were married yet you willingly gave your contact. That was a surprising act. The dumbness thing I have ever done. Regrets rush up to me yet it's over.

Later that day, you sent me text message and everything strengthened up. The woman was a girl of yours but you are interested to me. Funny. We became friends from that day on and reveal each others secrets. You brightens my dull days at work. You lighten up the burden I am carrying alone.Every thing goes smoothly.

Until one day I found out you were not really in love with your girl. Shock was the first thing I had yet deeply excited.

Later, you were parted and our affair had started. I found you then, the day I rode my way home for a shower.

The time has Come

I waited, I was wasted. I was disappointed, I was hurt. I was down and was dump. Until one day I survived. I stand again. I became stronger. I became more mature and immune to heartaches. I became wiser.

Till then, I said, I am going to be somebody. Someone who fights for her right. Someone who knows more than what she knew before. A minute later, the clock of my body struck down. it was a sign. It is a sign for me to move, move and move. I knew I can't. But I knew it I will pass this.

I started to stretched out my legs slowly. Slowly till I was able to get my feet on the ground again. At first, it wasn't easy to balance myself. It wasn't easy to walk and start moving forward. Then, I realized, I forgot to gain my strength. I forgot, I have to do something. Something I have waited for so long. Later, my legs stop shaking. My foot start moving forward, forward, forward.

I reach the place. The place seemed new. The place seemed strange. I look around and there I found my name. It was painted in an aqua-blue ink -my favorite color. The letters twinkled slowly, as the man appears on it. A smile that made me frown and a wide open hand that I ignored. I passed by the hallway and found my stuff at the end corner.

Neatly arranged. I don't remember when was the last time I have been in this place. I don't recall where I have been. then, the guy stood near me and said "Welcome back." Out of nowhere I never thought of him, I never had a glance of him. So i asked, where I have been? Why only now? I asked a lot of whys? But he never said one thing.

I stared at him and try to meet his eyes. he looks so gloomy. I frowned till we get closer and there I found myself embracing him. He hugged me back and whispered "the time has come." Welcome to my world baby.

The Frozen Truth

Life itself is undescribable. The frozen truth it brings to every one has the biggest impact where every body wont forget. It is something which we can never escape from. It is something that we can never avoid. The scrutiny of it brought us back to the past. It even somewhat lead us to the path without realizing its effect.

Sometimes we often believe it is just a mistaken fact where we never thought of it as a serious aspect of our existence. It doesn't make sense at all when we think ahead that someone had cause these misery we are dealing with. It is a misery that we actually did. It may not be as intentionally done but it is something that we have to take care of.

As we continue to battle with the frozen truth, it never melts. It make sense isn't it? How could it melt without giving a warm try? The point here is- we avoided the trouble we caused but while doing it, we keep on repeating it over and over. It is like asking for someone's new years resolution where some one believe it could be the best option in making a change.

If I may have to ask, Do we have to wait till new years eve and make a wish that we are changing for the better? Suppose new years will only happen once in a decade, will we have to wait for ten years more to make a change? It is funny how human cherish new years or making a change but they never know how to actually do it.

It is the truth that has been frozen. Thew reality has been ignored and avoided. It is the truth that we keep on aiming  but it is actually the  truth that we let it pass our path. Now that we wanted to have it again, it is too difficult to have it back. This is one of our mistake. It is a mistake that we never thought of it. We let the truth frozen wasn't it?