Glimpse of Love

I look down the road of solitude. I didn't bother myself to look out, to watch out- then I stumble, the pit is

there, a halo path I shouldn't take. Then I pick up myself and again, I continue to carry along the sadness

and the loneliness of being alone.

I didn't notice the glistening light above me. I covered my face from shyness. I braced it- pacing it. TOUGH!

I said. I didn't realized it will be the beginning of my life's changes. How could I change myself? How could I

be like these people around me? Hey, someone called up, didn't bother myself to check who that is. I walk

fast, trying to run out of the crowd. There in a small space of the world I met him. Tired, but he tried to

catch up on me. He reach my hands and said, please bear a minute with me he beg, catching his breath.

I stepped back, pacing myself from him, readying to run. Hold back or else I'll probably hurt you I warn

him. He's too desperate. Try to reach my hands but failed. I started walking, but he follows me, he

continue to run after me. I hate you, I called out. I don't want to talk to you. Let go of me. Leave me

alone, firmly but my heart started to pound as hard as stone. I have a thousand dream to attain.

I turned around, I saw him, his piteous look, it pains me seeing him kneeling on the ground waiting for

me to run to him. I realized, I had loved him. Teardrops flowing on my cheeks. I can't hold on.

I rush back to him and there he waited for me.

With the glimpse of love I felt for him, it helps me with my whole being. He helps me to stand and move

on. He holds me tight-wrapping his hands around me, makes me feel secure, happy and glowed.

If only You were a Dream

Once I thought you weren't real,

I thought you were just in my dream.

Then, I roll back and forth,

You were there standing,

Your touch makes me realize,

You're true and alive.

Your look makes me tremble,

Your words almost makes me stumble.

I hold on to what I believe,

For I thought you were only a dream.

Avenging the Pain you Caused Me

We fought for others sake. I gave up every thing, sacrifices pieces of me, cause you asked me. You think it was that easy for me to understand and accept your nature.
I have to keep my dignity. I hold on till I was able to do it on my own. I COPE UP WITH THE DIFFICULTIES OF YOU BRAGGING ME TO DO IT and follow your ways.
Admittedly, I followed you unconsciously. I engaged myself from the pain of considering people first not my own being and be subdued with what you wish for. I gave up my freedom, my happiness for your happiness, just to stop us from fighting.
Days and days went by, you are too self-centered, you're too selfish and took away my own happiness. You never dare to  about my feelings, about my ideas.
Weeks and months had passed and yet are still irrational, your actions aren't worth to rely on. You started building the scar of distrust in my heart. You're making me feel stupid.
The scar is getting bigger and bigger, it is building up into nightmares. You're mad because I WOKE YOU FROM MY WEEPING AT THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
My life is going miserable if I will continue to allow you to manipulate me. Your concern is all yourself satisfaction. I started gathering all my senses and start believing your action dictates that I am nothing to you. You took me in bed not because you love me but you want to satisfy your  desire.
It was  shameful of me. It was shameful  for I had love you more than myself. Then one day, you'd pissed me off. You're flirting with women in front of me, blatantly. I started sounding sarcastic any time you spoke to me,it pisses you either.
You think you can get anything you want from them, I bet they'll dump you and I'll soon let you experience how to get dumped. You have caused me reason to avenge.
Though it tears me thinking of losing you, but if I continue, it feels like you'll soon dump me into the pit of solitude. I am making my way up again. It is my time to avenge you causes me.
It's my time to return the painful moments you had given me. I am still here. I still have strength to fight back. I was too weak to believe what my heart and instinct dictates. Later that day, when you found out I am leaving , you were on you knees, begging, weeping for me to stay, asking for another chance.
I hold back my tears for I am too afraid of showing you are what I wanted. There, you realized finally my presence means so much to you. My avenging wasn't there yet, but we'll see. We can still stay away from it starting today.

Adjustments

The dreams. The wishes. The plans. Have I fulfilled them? Getting married at the age of 26 is a little early, isn't it?

Thinking of it makes me nervous. It makes me think, will it worth all my effort at the end of it?

There are really times when you are almost at it, you have somewhat regretted of wanting someone be with you early as you wont be expecting.

When I asked some of friends who are married, " Here're their common answer, "We are having difficulties in adjusting but we are getting better at it." Being pregnant isn't easy also.Dealing with morning sickness, food cravings, physically and emotionally sensitive. It is actually the same as working with an office where you have no idea what to do at all.

Thanks for internet, we can get all the answer. We can just typed in questions that bother us, then the answer will be there in a minute or two. Isn't that technology too helpful and wonderful for the life of human being? Way back 1990's internet is not that familiar with youngster. It is not that easy to deal with new terminologies in order to understand its importance. I myself have had that phase, I used to asked my teachers to explain slowly the methods so I could follow properly. I am not saying, I am slow-witted, I am only making sure there will be no mistake to encounter when I am going to do the task. Up to now, every time I have new gadgets, I used to spend my time with a technician who has the ability to make me understand every step of using this gadget.

Some times I have to out grow those styles. In reality, Life is full of shit. Yet those shit makes we live our lives to the fullest that we can be. It is like throwing a ball. It always bounce back on the ground. Life is actually like that, but single life to married life is totally different. You both have to do a lot of adjustments-from small things to decision makings.

If before, sleeping in a small bed is very comfortable, now you have to  shift into bigger one. Let details explain both emotions. You have to deal with the changes which is actually every where inside the house-that's what we call married life. You learn to listen and you learn to adjust.

Jobless? What a Life....

There was a time where we don't have any control over the matters. Some times we fell from the dream we ought to achieve. In short we always mincing. We seldom settle things that bothers us every now and then. We tend to ignore things. We tend to avoid the consequences. We tend to leave things hanging instead of looking for the possible solution that will make life easier.

Often, we are coward in facing the truth. Some times we have to us ourselves; why those people stay longer in a certain job where we couldn't afford to be one? Being jobless doesn't mean you are not smart as those people who go to offices every day. Does that mean, when you leave your job, you are already nothing? In the beginning, what makes you  leave that job?

I have been roaming some neighborhood and often observe that most of those I see hanging around the corner doesn't go out every day and go to work.Of course, what I thought was, probably they work at night. Or they work at home. If they got internet connection, they don't have to go out and deal with car smoke everyday. If I were to ask, I prefer to work at home than commuting from home to work yet I don't have the choices than to go out every day.

As I continue to walk from my house to a nearby park, I barely see those people any more. May be, I relocate? Or may be they found better place than this stoney park. As I moved on to the next of the subdivision, I saw them. There they are. They are under a nipa hut. A hidden place for gossipers. Oh, I said, it is far away better than loitering around like a garbage on the street. Too bad, I thought they have had a better job yet they are wasting their time with other people.

I often compare myself from them. "Why these people look happier than I do? They don't seemed busy at all. They don't seem bothered at all. Then, I decided to make a little change of my lifestyle. I left my job which I believe- one of the most stressful I have ever had. I stayed home for at least a week. It was pretty relaxing. I can spend more time with my husband, talk about our future plans specially we would be parents in four months.

A couple of weeks later though, I started feeling edgy and bored. I started having mood swing that I already exceeded the conception stage. I couldn't stay long at home doing nothing.Then I realized, Doing household chores are not conducive to be the normal course of my life. See I can't really stand a day without thinking on how to be good at work. I couldn't stand a minute either to just spend my time longer in bed and read or watch TV or listen to music. I can't be one of those people who enjoy being jobless.

It is a definite truth when they say, You cannot stop someone with a strong urge of determination.

Life, Life,Life

How will you define life? How will you tell that it is complicated? What are the factors that will support  your ideas which will not affect others perception? In my own point of view, Life is what we make it better, more productive and mostly what we aimed to have whether today, in the past and also in the future.

To think of the what we can really do with our life; it is what we always hope for. A hope for better future and better.... better.. better and later for the best. Yet it always go with the challenges which we often ignore or we often consider it as our blocker. We keep on complaining without looking for the solution. We complain without looking back with our previous actions, complaining without taking other option to solve our problems.

It is always funny when we look back with the tears we shed, with the laughter we shared with our love ones and what most satisfying is- when we finally did our best to be who are we now. Somehow we always common desire -it is to be better than who we are before. Life is beautiful isn't it? Lets do the best that we can and enjoy it.

Thank You Sincerly

Thank You Sincerely

Thanks for the start to the lives that we’ve had.

Thanks for the nights that you went without rest.

So many memories, most happy, some sad;

If you weren’t perfect, you still passed the test,

Holding our hands, holding back all the fears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

So many hours that you worked to provide

Multiplied by all the days that we grew,

When we behaved and the times we defied,

Never a doubt we could still count on you,

Making our laughter and drying our tears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

Thanks for the rules that we wished were not there.

Thanks for the wisdom we sometimes denied.

All the attention and all of the care,

All the forgiveness and all of the pride,

Pointing out faults but then calling out cheers.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

For the examples you set every day,

Teaching with actions, those lessons hold tight.

We hardly knew just how much you could say

Simply by doing what you knew was right.

Now that we’re older, the logic appears.

Thank you sincerely for all of those years.

Thank you for love not required to be earned,

Not ever fading as time moves along.

You have to know that the love is returned,

Not always showing, but always so strong.

And you still care as your golden time nears.

Thank you sincerely for all of the years.